I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
