They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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