O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
