Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
