They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
