Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
