Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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