I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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