y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
