I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
