everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize