Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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