dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your dad touched me again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize