I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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