so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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