Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
