I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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