shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
