If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
