everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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