I will die if light touches me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
