i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
