Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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