That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Randomize
