i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
