i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
