at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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