D3 body, D1 cock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am one with the molecules
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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