Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
