My friends, they love my intelligence
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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