apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
