Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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