At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
