Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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