just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i've created a new STD.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
