Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
