She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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