my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
