Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
