I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
