Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
