no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
