you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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