The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is my gift to your gina
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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