Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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