my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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