There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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