he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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