I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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