I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
