words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
