Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
