Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
