THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
