Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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