I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A+ Viking dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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