Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
