I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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