i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
