I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
