I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
