God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
