you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
