i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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